When Hunger Strikes
by Teal Huskie
Summary: Vash and Wolfwood find themselves in strange situations with every turn. You must read to find out what this is about, and I bet you won't regret it! :D [not complete]
1. Um, read this first, yes?

Hallo! ^^;  
  
Tis Fishie :D aka Teal Huskie aka Tealie aka Fishhead/Sushi/Fishface aka Krissie. O.o  
  
This is the story started quite a while ago and written by me and my dear friend Kryssie! ^__^ She started it, and invited me to write with her! So I accepted because I LOVE Trigun. n.n Vashyyyyyness.  
  
Anyway... The chapters go back and forth by who wrote what. n.n; Just so you KNOW that.. If I wrote it, it will say "fish" in the chapter, and if Krys wrote it, it will say "tim" XD  
  
Don't ask..  
  
Well. Enjoy! This is pure humor so far. :D Its very .... interesting. Yes. If you complain then I shall personally sick Knives-sama on you! And Legato-sama shall help him stalk and torture! AND Kuroneko-sama shall assist as well! O_O  
  
........Thanks for your time, dear reader. ^_^;;  
  
- Fishie 


	2. The Beginning of Hunger [tim]

The blonde haired outlaw fumbled through his pockets for any type of money as thoughts flopped about in the abyss of his mind.  
  
"Damn those insurance girls. That's the last time I take them shopping so they'll leave me alone for the day..."  
  
He thought to himself as his stomach groaned at him for some kind of nourishment. He tried as much as he could to suppress the beast. He even swallowed his gum. Orbit. That little chewed blob of minty freshness didn't seem to help though, all gulping it down seemed to accomplish was leaving that horrid sensation of something sticking to the side of his throat. The groaning finally got to him. He ran to the nearest trash can and fumbled through it helplessly.  
  
"Dear God, if there is something in here I'll become a new man! Please let me have food! A chicken bone! ANYTHING!!!"  
  
As he thought to himself a bit more he heard a familiar voice. He pondered for a moment, the sound taking a while to bounce about in his brain before registering on the 'Hello! I know you!' scale in his mind. Finally it clicked. Wolfwood! He immediately dropped the trashcan lid full of a cornucopia of various half eaten foods and ran over to Wolfwood, falling to his knees pitifully and grabbing onto one pant leg of his friend, latching on tight.  
  
"Need food!"  
  
The words sputtered out of his mouth as if he were on the verge of death, though far from it actually. 'Twas merely the quaking beast that lay deep in his belly bellowing at him, demanding some food that made him seem so desperate. He slapped on a pitiful look and peered up helplessly at Wolfwood, his chin planted against Wolfwood's knee.  
  
Wolfwood's eyes widened a bit as he looked down at the helpless Vash. Snickering slightly under his breath and puffing a bit of smoke at him he spoke.  
  
"Hungry there little pup?"  
  
Vash scoffed at being compared to a dog begging to food but his stomach once again roared a demand. At that Vash whimpered and barked a bit, sounding very much like a helpless pup. Wolfwood just laughed at this and spat out words between snickers.  
  
"Jesus, who starved this poor creature. He looks like he would have made a fine house dog with the proper training.. Or hunting maybe.. Say boy, how well do you fetch?"  
  
Wolfwood snatched a stick and flicked it off to the side.  
  
"Go get it boy!"  
  
Vash started to crawl quickly to retrieve it then froze dead in his tracks, realizing what exactly he was doing now.  
  
"Heeey..."  
  
He gave Wolfwood an evil look now then stood up and dusted himself off. His nose wrinkled up as he walked over to Wolfwood and stood on his tiptoes to look a bit bigger.  
  
"Feed me."  
  
The words squeaked out quite pitifully, not at all like he had hoped for. Wolfwood fell onto the ground at the squeak that emerged from Vash.  
  
"Damn boy! You really do need nourishment! Come on, Let's get you something to eat..."  
  
Wolfwood stood and walked towards a nearby cafe, still laughing. Vash followed happily.  
  
"Arf!"  
  
Vash ran past Wolfwood, almost pushing his meal ticket to the floor. Wolfwood staggered about, trying to keep balance, murmuring things from under his breath. He moved over to the table where Vash was pleasantly seated, knife and fork in hand, napkin tied around his neck in a makeshift bib. Wolfwood shook his head at his hopeless companion then stared at the menu. He studied the cover for a moment 'The Cafe' was in big bold letters. "Well no shit.." he thought to himself before jolting out of his daze when he heard Vash's ever present, loud mouth.  
  
"I'll have one of everything!!!"  
  
Wolfwood tensed then glared at Vash for a second before recalling the order.  
  
"NO! No, he'll have ONE thing and he will choose that ONE thing while I am ordering.."  
  
Wolfwood's gaze never left Vash through that sentence. He studied the menu once more. He pondered over the selections for a bit before politely ordering a tuna sandwich. His gaze fell onto Vash once more, cold and hard.  
  
Vash grinned innocently and waved slightly to Wolfwood.  
  
"ONE OF EVERYTHING!!! Now run! Go tell the cook before my buddy here stops you! He's rich he's just cheap!!! I'll leave you a GREAT tip if you hurry!"  
  
The girl nodded her head and ran off to the kitchen before Wolfwood even knew what hit him. Not only did Vash have a quick finger but he could spit out orders like nobody else's business. Wolfwood lunged across the table at Vash and latched a hand onto the scarlet coat that covered Vash's body.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! ...Why you little!!... I outta....... AUGH! Vaaaaaash!!!"  
  
Vash shrank a bit in his chair then spoke in a timid tone.  
  
"But Wolfwoooood.. I'm hungryyyyyy..."  
  
Just about the stupidest pitiful look Wolfwood had ever seen fell across Vash's face. Wolfwood sighed and recoiled, sliding back down in his chair. His hand was still tensed from the tight grip he had on the blonde as he mumbled obscenities under his breath. 


	3. Fed XD [fish]

Much later, Nicholas D. Wolfwood was not at all surprised to find himself still sitting in the café named The Café. He was slumped over his side of the table, his chin resting on his hand, elbow propped upon the table, a crooked cigarette hanging from his lips. It was definitely a good thing they had sat in the smoking section. He'd long since lost track of the time. In fact, Wolfwood looked very much like a zombie of some sort. Perhaps that was where that "Dying from boredom" saying came from.  
  
Vash was taking his lovely time, picking at the food on his remaining plates to form little pictures of things like bunny rabbits and smiley faces. There were empty dishes stacked in neat, high piles on either side of him. People that came and went in the small café always rested their gazes upon the strange man as they were seated and eating.  
  
After a particularly spicy piece of sausage was placed in his mouth, Vash found himself frantically searching for his glass of water. Drops of sweat appeared across his forehead. Extremely hot substances had a tendency to make you hot yourself, you see.  
  
Wolfwood heard Vash whimpering and looked up dazedly. "What's the matter with you now, needle noggin?"  
  
Vash made a face and his eyes landed on the unused glass of ice water setting at Wolfwood's side. He lunged, a crazed maniac look plastered across his face. "HOLY SHIIIIT! You've really lost it!" Wolfwood jumped backward, thinking Vash was aiming for him, and succeeded in knocking his chair over, and drawing the attention of the rest of the café.  
  
Vash scrambled for the glass with his glove-clad hands. He emptied the refreshing liquid down his throat in mere seconds. "Ahhh.. Much better!" He announced, looking rejuvenated.  
  
Wolfwood just stared at him. "What the hell in the world.." he mumbled.  
  
The dark-haired priest stepped forward and promptly smacked Vash in the back of the head. "Idiot needle noggin! You had me believing someone poisoned you and you were rabid comin' for the kill!"  
  
"Ow!" Vash rubbed the back of his head, blinking. His eyes grew big and full of tears. "W-Wolfy." He sniffled. Wolfwood sweatdropped at him, "....What?"  
"I didn't know you cared!!" cried Vash, flinging himself forward to cling to Wolfwood, but the other man had already sidestepped, and thus he smacked into the wall.  
  
Wolfwood took a drag from his cigarette and exhaled a cloud of smoke. He laughed. "You're so stupid it's funny."  
  
Vash got up and straightened his red coat. He made no reply, but returned to his seat, and to picking at his food.  
  
Wolfwood grumbled and returned as well. "You do gotta pay me back for this, you know." He tested, eyeing Vash, curious of the man's response.  
  
Vash choked. "Wha.......!? Eeeerrr.. But, Wolfy..!" "Wolfwood.." "Aren't you supposed to do all sorts of good deeds every day for the love of God? Shouldn't this count as one of those things?" Vash put on a sweet, innocent look.  
  
Wolfwood sweatdropped yet again. "I do good things for people, but you still gotta pay me back."  
  
"But Wolfwood--"  
"--No but's! I could have left you to starve out there, you know. That wouldn't have been a very good deed."  
  
No response came. Wolfwood blew a ring of smoke at the blonde gunman. Vash coughed and waved it away. He looked questioningly up, raising one eyebrow.  
  
"Let me make you a straight deal. You are going to pay me back, or I will be forced to spill your secret. Right here. Right now."  
  
Vash's eyes widened. "You wouldn't!"  
  
Wolfwood grinned evilly. "Attention all diners! This man here is--OOF!!" Wolfwood found himself being tackled to the floor by the outlaw. "Don't do it! Don't do it!" Vash practically screamed. Wolfwood struggled to get free, giving Vash a good whack across the face. "He's Vash ThERMFGGHH!" Vash clapped his hand over Wolfwood's mouth.  
  
"STOP! STOP! STOP! You evil preacher man!" The blonde abruptly found a bunch of his hair being yanked. Tears sprang up in his eyes. "Eeeoowwwwch!"  
  
"No insulting priests, it's not good for your health!" Wolfwood finally managed to stagger to his feet and get a table between him and Vash. He paused thoughtfully then added, "May God have mercy on your soul.. VASH THE STAMPEDE!"  
  
The reaction was simultaneous: The entire population of The Café stopped what they were doing, froze, looking straight at the red-clad gunman who was still sitting on the floor, looking noticeably more fidgety then before.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!" "Did he say Vash The Stampede!?" "AHHHH!" "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEE!!" "It's Vash! Run for your lives!!"  
  
A cloud of dust filled the entire café. Vash coughed, trying to wave the dust away with his hand. When it had settled, he noticed that the entire café was now empty.  
  
Wolfwood started laughing his head off. Vash snorted and returned to the table.  
  
"Well now I can eat in peace.." he said in a tiny voice, picking up his fork again.  
  
Vash had barely placed the forkful of food in his mouth when a gunshot rang out. He looked up in surprise. Wolfwood stood blinking as the young waitress who'd taken their order stood alone, pointing a shotgun directly at Vash's head. Vash made a squeaky noise.  
  
The girl spoke, her voice quivering, "V-V-Vash Th-The Stampede... You are n-nothing more then a... then a blood thirsty killer who eats raw brains for your meal!!" To prove her point (or so she thought), she pointed at one of the many empty plates on Vash's table. It had a pink substance and bright red blood smeared all over it.  
  
Vash turned his head slowly to glance at the plate she motioned to. Slowly, because he didn't really want the girl to shoot him, of course.  
  
Seeing what she referred to as brains, the blonde made yet another squeaky noise. "That's cotton candy and ketchup!!" he cried.  
  
Wolfwood continued to blink, not really wanting to get involved, but rather see where this was headed.  
  
The girl shook her head, her grip on the weapon firm, but shaky. "I don't believe you, sir.."  
  
Vash thought for a moment, then grinned like the idiot he was. "You should know! After all, you took the order for us!" 


End file.
